Jason is gone for a couple of days. It is amazing to me how different things are with out him. I have tried to keep our same routine this time. I takes so much more discipline for me to cook at regular times and go to bed at a decent time when he isn't here. I really had to force myself yesterday and today to be responsible and cook. I didn't realize how much I depend on Jason. I knew that he was a huge support in discipline with the kids but I didn't realize how much I relied on him for routine, someone to be accountable to, and his companionship.
After all the kids went to bed last night I found myself aimlessly flipping channels on the t.v. This would have driven Jason crazy. I was watching at least 6 different programs when I realized I should spend some quiet time with the Lord. This time without Jason has been very reflective for me. He goes on several business trips a year but this time I feel as though I have been shown a mirror.
In this mirror I have seen great weakness. I have leaned so heavily on my husband it is a wonder he hasn't been broken under the pressure. I have been sensing for some time that I have been out of balance in this area. Now that he is away it forces me to have to look at my dependency on him straight in the face. I know I can go to God with issues and problems but I have found it so much easier to go to my husband.
I miss my husband and look forward to him returning tomorrow evening. However, I pray that God will continue this work that He started in my heart to rely on Him and not depend on Jason.
Talk to you soon.
Anggi
2 comments:
I am glad God has chosen to meet with you at this time too. I miss our weekly time together, we need to figure out a new time... or the same time.
Er
Anggi,
Thank you for sharing your blogs with me. Your family is like a breath of fresh air. So committed to our Lord in ALL things.
I enjoyed all you wrote and especially loved reading the entry,where Jason was on the trip. So bueatifully expressed. I just recently had Chip away for 2 1/2 weeks and I came to a similar realization about leaning more on Chip than God. It was a good learning time for me too.
I also learned I don't like Chip being away :)
You are so missed!!! Take care!! Keep us updated on which house God guides you to buy. Can't wait to hear!!
Love,
Jenn G
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